A new why: the no-why
I figured it must be weird to read my Light Millionaires story, to see through how much shit I go and that I still don’t quit. I feel almost ashamed to admit how much pain this journey has brought me and that I’m still trying to ‘make it work’. This week I feel hesitant to tell my friends about this project because if it would be as difficult for them as it has been to me, I would feel bad that I’d put them trough so much pain.
But here I am, re-realizing how much I have to do this.
I’m letting go of why.
I’m not going to assume anymore that this will bring me the money to make my dreams come true. I’m not even going to assume I will be successful with this.
It’s a little bit harder for me not to assume that this will bring me the personal growth I’ve been looking for. Some major, life-changing epiphany that won’t occur without growing pains. Maybe it will, maybe it will…
But I want to let it all go.
And only focus on that feeling deep inside me, that this is the right thing to do. I don’t feel it all the time. But after every ‘disaster’ I keep coming back to this place. And now I can still find it while I completely let go of my money goal. Isn’t that peculiar? That now that my whole WHY seems to be breaking down, I can still feel a different kind of why? An unspecified why that has no reasoning behind it.
And what a relief… to so aimlessly flow with what will happen in this project. And still know that it is the right thing I am doing.
Lessons of the wise man
I’ve introduced you to uncle Iroh before, from Avatar the Last Airbender. Today I watched an episode where he shares his story. A long time ago he got a vision that he would be conquering Basing-Se, the capital city of the Earth Kingdom. At that time he was still with the fire nation, and with an army he went out to conquer Basing-Se.
He lost his son in the battle.
Years and years later, Iroh switched sides in the war and is back at the walls of Basing-Se, that is now conquered by the Fire Nation. And he knows: it is his destiny to re-conquer Basing-Se, so it can be part of the Earth Kingdom again.
Isn’t destiny a strange thing? Let’s see how mine unfolds.